Apparently Gilbert Arenas and the law have a lot in common, often crossing paths. I would imagine many of you know that he has a thing for guns. And making a public joke about a thing he has for guns. Neither of those was a bright idea and ended up costing him.
He also has a lawsuit pending with his ex-wife and ex-girlfriend Laura Govan. Apparently she is suing him for having too many kids with her and not paying her enough money. As if it was difficult to find him, he was served with child support papers at halftime of the Orlando Magic game on February 4th. After all, they are now on their fourth. She’s complaining about the lack of nanny, though the funds are surely available, as Arenas has stated he has monthly income of around $1.5 million.
Finally, though, we have something that could be his worst move yet. Stealing. And possibly stealing my faith in his ability to make me laugh. Let me set this up for you. Arenas has a blog. He posts all sorts of things on it, as you would expect on a blog. He happened to post something that relates to the law in a sort of way only an NBA-player’s mind would be able to do so. In fact, it was brilliant logic on Mr. Arenas’ part. The relevant portion of the blog went something like this:
“I know this is random, but I just want to clear this up for people out there. There are these things called shark attacks, but there is no such thing as a shark attack. I have never seen a real shark attack.
I know you’re making a weird face as you’re reading this. OK people, a shark attack is not what we see on TV and what people portray it as.
We’re humans. We live on land.
Sharks live in water.
So if you’re swimming in the water and a shark bites you, that’s called trespassing. That is called trespassing. That is not a shark attack.
A shark attack is if you’re chilling at home, sitting on your couch, and a shark comes in and bites you; now that’s a shark attack. Now, if you’re chilling in the water, that is called invasion of space. So I have never heard of a shark attack.
When I see on the news where it’s like, “There have been 10 shark attacks,” I’m like, “Hey, for real?! They’re just running around? Sharks are walking now, huh! We live on the land, we don’t live underwater.”
Wow. I’m not sure I can write anything that can remotely compare to the legal discourse from above. The problem, though, is apparently he’s taken this from a comedian. That’s called letting me down by not writing your own material. In affect, stealing someone else’s material. Regardless, maybe if there was more of this in law school and less Pennoyer v. Neff we wouldn’t need to take classes like “Creative Writing for Lawyers.” Maybe not.